I'm taking this site in a new direction. From here on, Plush will have a more intimate, casual tone (i.e. there will be some bad writing.) It is now a humble dumping ground for my creations and my notes on them. What follows is my collaboration with @e11urr, "Courtside Glamour", and the thoughts about it that stuck with me.
- It's a good thing your physical and mental states when shooting don't necessarily translate to the feeling you get when you look at the results. Like when it's midnight and you're on a tennis court after the lights unexpectedly shut off—and it’s windy and damp and you're hungry and depleted. My internal monologue said, "pack up and go home." Thankfully, the pictures tell a different story.
- The same idea has a sad side: what you see in a photo isn't necessarily what's real. I'm "sad" because I'm wrestling with what authenticity means to me. But I have to rest in the satisfaction that I’m able to create images that make me feel anything at all.
- My hair refuses to hold a curl even in pristine weather conditions. I left the house supporting a bird's nest which flattened quickly once we got outside. In the same way that it's sad when photos don't match reality, it’s disappointing when the image you hold of yourself in your mind’s eye doesn’t match what's captured by the camera lens.
- Expanding on the last thought: it’s beaten further into me each time I take a portrait that it’s better to make yourself flawless before anyone snaps a single photo. @yurikllozano is the first one who planted this idea seed in my head. Editing later is an option but it’s tedious—and even when I can make things look acceptable it feels inauthentic. Plus, when you have no complaints about your look, your mental energy is freed up to pose creatively and confidently. In theory.
- Ella has a look all her own. She’s made a character for herself and it shows in any photo of her. I'm still finding mine. Maybe I have found her, but she's still growing. I’m not satisfied. But even those I look up to aren't satisfied. There's comfort in that.
- I've got to figure out a better way to present these photos.